I'm Desparate
by Invisible Bullets
Summary: The one part in the manga/anime that had you on the edge of your seats screaming at the tv/book has finally happened
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Vampire Knight does not belong to me

Warning: This story contains a suicide scene so if you can't handle that I advise you not to read this

I'm Desperate

Zero POV:

It was getting worse. With every passing day it would come on faster and harsher. I tried to hide it the best I could but the vampires knew yet they couldn't care less. They would turn back to look at me with a grin on their face. I wasn't one of them yet. I was going to fight until I couldn't anymore.

Later that night we were doing prefect duties. I tried hiding it from her. She'd talk. I'd try ignoring her. If I try keeping myself calm maybe it would go away. But I heard it. Footsteps far away... Shallow breathing... Blood falling to the floor... I could hear it so clearly yet I could tell it was in town. How could I hear it so clearly? I refused to believe I had turned. I knew it wasn't a big cut. The footsteps sounded muffled like the person was wearing socks on a hardwood floor. The breathing sounded like they were about to cry. The blood was in a small amount. Then I heard the voice of a child.

"Mommy, I cut my finger." That little cut caused me to feel this way. I hated it.

"Zero, are you listening to me?"

"No." I had to get my mind off of it so I decided to talk with her like she wanted. The pain was getting harder to ignore. When she turned her back I jumped off the ledge and ran into the woods only to stop near a tree. I sat there talking to myself. And like always the chairman appeared from nowhere.

"You need to come inside."

"Why me?" He didn't answer. Anything he said would've made it worse. "I know I would hate knowing she did that to normal humans but they'd probably die from the bite and not suffer like this. She did it just to spite me. To turn a hunter... I'm sure they all thought of it but they all know better..." I closed my eyes for a while. It was starting to ease up so I finally stood. I had to hold onto the tree but I was so dizzy. When I started to walk I had had to kneel just to stop seeing three of everything. I punched the grass because I was so angry. "Damn it... I wish I would've died back then. Why didn't I?"

"Come on. I'll help you." But I didn't let him help me. He was behind me just in case I fell again but I pushed myself to walk in my own. We walked back to the dorm.

I went to the guest bath only to shove my head in the sink with the water full blast. I had already taken a bath so I didn't want to take another. But as soon as I turned off the water the pain came back again. I didn't even try getting a towel. I held the wall on my way to my dorm but when I made the corner I had to sit down against the wall and hold myself like I did earlier. Like always the chairman appeared from nowhere this time with a glass of water and a blood tablet. "You must love doing that don't you?"

"I don't like seeing you like this. Here." I looked at it awhile but threw it down. It shattered and the water got absorbed in the carpet. "You were bitten by a Pureblood. Like it or not you will turn. If you keep trying to fight it the pain will only get worse."

"I'm not turning. I'm not going to bite anyone. I'm not going to kill..." He just sighed. I sat there awhile before going in my room.

Later on in the week Yuuki and I went to town. Somehow we got separated then I heard her scream. When I found her she was in the clock tower being chased by a Level E. But before I got to her I had to deal with another one. This one was a woman. She would've wanted to bite me but after smelling me she pulled back with a grin on her face. I hadn't pulled the trigger yet like I would've done back then. It was different. This woman and I were similar. I would turn into this and she had to remind me.

"You're one of us." It played back in my mind and frustrated me enough so that I would shoot her. Those words would stay with me... Another scream... I ran up the stairs but once I smelled blood I couldn't go near her. I heard that man's voice. He had saved her. I wasn't needed. I went back to the dorm.

I wanted to stay away but I wanted to see if she was okay. She was looking for me. It only made things worse. I stayed sitting in the lowest steps until I heard footsteps. I couldn't be near her right now. I screamed at her but she only came closer. Then the bandage came off. That smell... I couldn't control myself when I grabbed her. I yelled at myself internally but my body wouldn't listen. I bit her. The blood tasted so good and my pain died down. Finally my body listened to me and I pulled away. "Yuuki, I'm sorry."

"You're a vampire." Then that man came again. He just had to rub it in. He stood in front of her for a second before she pushed him out the way and fell into my arms. I did this. He just kept on aggravating me. I didn't want to hear him. With Yuuki still in my arms I fell to the floor looking at the blood and the evidence of the fact I had turned. He finally stopped talking after my hand slid under my jacket and slowly removed my gun. I wanted to right then and there but then I didn't. The gun felt so heavy when I tried to lift it. I guess he was worried because he bent down to pick Yuuki up and finally said something that made sense.

"Give Yuuki something to wake up to." And he walked away. He was right. I should wait until I know she's okay. I placed the gun back where it used to be, knowing the chairman was coming. He'd take it away when I needed it most. Soon he came to make sure I went to wash my face then go to my dorm. He gave me a worried look but I didn't know if it was for me or Yuuki. It could've easily been him thinking 'How could you?' which was understandable. But I didn't bite her on purpose. I went in my room and locked the door. I'd go to sleep only to say this was my last time sleeping in this place. I needed to leave if it would mean everyone would be safe.

The next morning I didn't go to class. I had seen Yuuki going to class. She was alright. Today I planned on packing my belongings so I could leave. I would never be able to harm anyone never interrupt the chairman's idea of coexistence. I was on my way out when I noticed a photo of Yuuki and I on the floor. She wanted me to smile. How could I when I knew this was coming? I knew if I left she'd try finding me. I may meet her again. I may bite her again. I may kill her. I would prevent that. If I was gone I'd never hurt anyone. If I was gone there'd be a few tears then they'd go on with their lives. Which seems the best option? I have to end it. I dropped the bag on the floor then sat on the bed. I pulled the gun out and stared at it remembering what Cross said when he gave it to me. It would only kill a vampire. It would kill me now.

I was hesitant at first then I began thinking how much more well off everyone would be. Chairman might miss me but let's face it. He never acted like a father to me and always seemed to prefer Yuuki over me. He'd be okay. The hunters would kill him on sight. They'd be thrilled. Yuuki might miss me. I'm her adoptive brother. I stay with her almost all the time. But she has Kuran. She'll get over it. The vampires would be a lot happier not seeing me on the way to class and the Day Class students would rather him gone so they wouldn't have to stay back when zither Moon Dorm gates opened. Everyone should be perfectly fine. My parents and my brother would get to see me again. A win-win for everybody. That's it. I made up my mind.

It's true what they say. Your life flashes before your eyes before you die. But my life was full of blood, full of suffering, full of hate, full of everything that shouldn't be there. It's time to stop everything... I'm going to see my family again. I'm going to be where I was supposed to be four years ago. Now they don't have to wait.

I didn't have much time. I heard footsteps coming up the hall. They probably belonged to Yuuki. She knew I hated myself after what happened and knowing I wasn't there this morning gave off a red flag. She was right to worry. But now she didn't have to. My gun was pointed at my head when I heard a hand on the knob.

I'm Desperate...

I pulled the trigger.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm Desperate chpt 2

Yuuki POV:

I opened the door only to see Zero lying back on the bed with the gun still in his hand. There was blood all over. Tears instantly fell from my eyes. I was going to run to tell the chairman. He had already heard the shot so he met me halfway. I fell into his arms. He pulled us into the office and we sat there holding each other crying our eyes out.

Kaname POV:

I was aggravated knowing Zero bit Yuuki. Sure he probably tried his hardest to fight it but it didn't change the fact that he did. I had to calm myself down try to not think about strangling him. But then I heard a shot. ...Zero... What did he do this time? I stood up ready to go but then the smell of blood hit me like a ton of bricks. My eyes turned red. My fangs protruded. I tried calming myself before I went out the door. Luckily my eyes returned back to their original color. I made my way down the stairs ignoring all the other Night Class students gathered there whose eyes were all red. As soon as they saw me they willed their bloodlust away. They were curious though. "I'll assume everyone is accounted for." Then I walked out the door.

Within seconds I was heading into the Sun Dorms. The smell of blood was getting stronger. Soon I made it to the office where I saw Cross and Yuuki. They didn't care that I was there but I still made my presence known. "What happened?" I saw Chairman wipe his eyes then he stood and approached me.

"I don't think you can help with this." We walked down the hall after I looked into the room to notice how much Yuuki was crying. Whatever it was it was bad. The scent of blood kept getting stronger. He stopped a little before a door then whispered. "He's in there but prepare yourself before you go in. It's bad." Then he walked away. I watched him get farther and farther away before he went back to his office. I looked at the door before I slowly opened it. The smell of blood was overpowering my senses. Any other vampire wouldn't be able to control themselves.

I walked closer to the bed. I knew this is what he wanted to do yesterday but I thought Cross would've watched him maybe even take the gun away. That's what I would've done. There was a bag close to the door. He was going to leave... There was a picture next to it. Maybe that's what stopped him from leaving. I walked over both items to get closer to him. He was laying on his back with the gun still in his hand. There was blood on it but not as much as the wall or the sheets beneath and not nearly the amount coming from his head. His mouth was slightly opened and his eyes half lidded. They weren't as vibrant as usually. Now they were dull.

I slid my hand slowly under his head. A lot of blood was still coming out. I pulled him into a sitting position but once I did the gun fell on the floor making the only noise since I came in. I watched the blood slide down his neck and stain his shirt. He wasn't wearing his uniform. I pulled him closer until his head was against my chest. "I'm sorry. This was all my fault..." Then I laid him back down slowly. Afterwards I licked the blood off of my hand and walked out.

I went back in the office but stood in the doorway until he noticed me. He pulled me out the door after he closed the door behind him. "I don't know if you want him to come back but if I found a way I'll do it."

"...It's what he wanted and if he came back he'd do it again unless there's a way around it. I don't know much about vampire things."

"I can't guarantee anything but I'll try my best. If you can I'd like to talk to some hunters but only the ones you trust ones that wouldn't care that he's a vampire. Is there anyone like that?"

"I'll call him but he isn't going to like that you're involved."

"I'll go back to the dorm to look for..."

"He needs to go with you. I know they won't be well behaved if he went with you because of bloodlust but he hasn't turned to dust yet. If you could prevent it until we find a way to bring him back..."

"I'll bring him but first I need to warn them. I'll come back when I'm finished. Just try to clean him up a bit if you can handle it. If you can't I'll understand."

"I can't..."

"I'll be back soon." I left the Sun Dorms. It seemed like this was all a dream. Zero's dead. I would've never thought... But he had a good reason for his decision. I don't understand hunters but I suspect any of them would do the same thing knowing they'd turn into a level D. Before I knew it I was back at the Moon Dorms. The vampires that were here earlier just stared at me while I leaned against the door staring at the floor.

"Kaname... What happened? I never saw you this way before. Is it that bad?" He was the only one I'd want to talk to me that way. Anyone else would make me upset. I whispered it but no one could hear me. "He's what? Who's he?" Like always Takuma stood there with a smile on his face just this time it was a worried smile.

"Zero killed himself. He's dead." There was silence for a long time. They probably didn't believe me or it didn't really bother them. That's exactly what I would've said back then but that was before it happened. I wouldn't see him scowling at us and hollering at the Day Class girls... Little things like that... They may not think much of it but after so long not seeing him reality kicks in and you finally understand the depth of it. "Keep everyone calm. I have to bring him here. Maybe there's a way to bring him back."

"You really think that's wise?" He looked like he didn't believe he just said that. "I mean do you think we could bring him back?" Of course the first question was questioning my authority since he was trying to say I couldn't control the students from getting to him but at this point I didn't care. Takuma was my friend anyway. I wouldn't nearly treat him like the rest... Well not like Aido at least.

"I'm going to try. Cross and Yuuki are a wreck." He looked at me like to say I was too. "...I know. Me too. I didn't think..."

"It's okay. Just do what you have to." Afterwards I looked around the room before I headed back to the Sun Dorms.

All the way back to the Moon Dorms I looked at him in my arms. Luckily no one was outside to see all the blood. I walked through the doors and finally snapped out of it when the doors slammed behind me. They were all still there just now they were all staring with their eyes red. Before I got to the stairs Takuma stood in front of them defensively. He looked at Zero. "Kaname... There's no way..."

"I'm desperate."

"Are you really doing this for him?" Of course the answer was no. "What do you think will happen if you do bring him back? Will he be the same? Will he do it again? Things happen for a reason."

"He wasn't meant to die now. He took matters into his own hands and now I have to fix his mistakes."

"Was it a mistake?" I didn't understand. A few minutes ago he wanted me to do something but now... Did something happen when I was gone? "Zero's a hunter. Hunters deal with this everyday. They know there's a possibility they can get turned like this when they go on missions. They look at Level E's. They know that could be them and if it was they'd want to be killed before they kill someone. Losing control of your own body isn't fun. This is a normal response. This is a hunter's greatest nightmare come to life. If he comes back it'll still be a nightmare. If he comes back he'll still worry about biting someone again. If you bit Yuuki or any other human how would you react?" He was right. If I bit a human I'd turn them into a killing machine then I'd have to deal with that guilt.

"I wouldn't like it."

"Zero's been through a lot. He lost his family. He was turned into a vampire. He tried to control turning for four years. He doesn't need to worry anymore."

"What about everyone else that cares about him? Cross doesn't want to do anything anymore so this school..."

"Cross is going to get over it. The school will still be here. I'm sure Zero thought about everything before he made his decision."

"Cross wants me to try. He asked me to. If someone you knew died someone you're very close to you'd want to bring them back."

"But you want to bring him back to make others happy. If he comes back he's only going to suffer again. He'll be miserable."

"I have to try. There's probably no way to bring him back so you won't have to worry. I have to try. He asked me to try and I'm not lying to him." He moved to the side to let me climb the stairs but halfway up he called back again.

"If you're doing this for Yuuki remember yes she does love him but if she sees him suffering what good will it do? She won't be happy."

"I know. Like I said bringing him back is impossible." Finally I made it to my room and laid him on my bed. Takuma was right. Everything he said was right. I leaned over his body. My hands rested on the mattress beside him to hold me up while I stared at him. There was another reason I was doing this. No one knew about it. That question he asked... if I had hurt someone... I did. I felt guilty. That sin I had committed no one knew about it not even the victim. There's a rule in the vampire world... Do not turn an unwilling victim. I was an accomplice. I allowed it to happen. If I wasn't there it wouldn't have happened. I helped Zero become a monster. Zero's my sin. Everything he went through was my fault. I tainted perfectly happy innocent children. For what? My selfishness. I killed a family. I slaughtered them... I opened Shizuka's cell door so she could do what she wanted. I had a plan for what she'd do. I was selfish. The worst part of it... I watched those two little boys playing in the snow with a smile on their face. I said that they were the ones, the ones who would pay the price. The ones I'd kill. The ones I'd torture. The ones I'd use for my personal gain. Of course I did it for a reason and that reason was to protect my sister from my uncle. I couldn't do it. There was no one else. But to do that to someone... To kill their family, their dreams, their will... It's something that haunted me every day.

I slid my hand over his eyes to close then pushed his jaw up to close his mouth. I pulled a chair next to the bed just watching for no reason. Pictures of the twins throwing snowballs at each other and laughing kept playing in my head. I looked up again watching the blood continuously drip down on his neck. It smelled so good. I hadn't had real blood in a while and hunter blood was supposedly better than humans but I never tried it until a few minutes ago. I didn't really taste it. I knew I licked it off my fingers but I was still thinking about everything. The taste didn't register. I wanted to taste it again but as my hand headed for the blood I mentally scolded myself. Instead I laid my hand over his forehead then pushed his bangs to the side. But that only made his jaw go back down so now his lips were parted again. I allowed myself to taste a drop of blood. After staring at it so long I wanted to taste it. I wanted to know what he tasted like. I slid my finger down his neck to get some blood. Before I stuck it in my mouth I looked at it awhile for some reason. Then I licked it. It tasted way better than Ruka's did years ago. I guess it's true what they say. A few seconds later the phone rang. It was Chairman. "What is it?"

"He's here."

A/N: Guys im so aggravated with myself. I have three stories that im working on and my brain keeps insisting for me to write this story. I want to just throw my brain out my head. I do need you(brain) to think of stuff for my other stories and not new ones! Does this happen to anybody else or am I just weird?


	3. Chapter 3

I'm Desperate chpt 3

A/N: For some reason I think this sucks but oh well. I guess you guys will tell me. If you aren't too keen on religious things you might not want to read this. Also I added an OC. I have no idea why. He just popped up. Anyway it's a character from the book I'm trying to write. Tell me if you like him.

Kaname POV

I stood in Chairman's office face to face with a top rank vampire hunter. He didn't seem too happy I was there.

"Kaname, this is Toga. He taught Zero all about hunting. I told him the story already. You asked him to be here so what do you need?"

"I might need his help finding some spells. I can find vampire spells but not ones for hunters. Zero is half of both so I don't know which would work if we did find something to help." He waited awhile before he answered me. Of course hunters hate vampires. He sighed.

"What do you think will happen if we bring him back?" It was more to Cross than me but when Cross looked at him he sighed again. "Fine. I'll help but I need to stay here if he does come back. I want to make sure he doesn't hurt anyone or himself again." Cross smiled so the hunter would know that he said the right thing. "But I want to see him first."

"Of course." He was glaring at me even if he didn't know anything.

"You go first. I want to make sure you don't turn on me." I nodded then we headed to the Moon Dorms. The other vampires didn't like his presence but they didn't act like they normally would. Zero was dead. He was a hunter. It made sense another hunter would want to see him. We went up the stairs and into my room.

"He's on the bed." After making sure I wasn't looking at him he headed that way. I closed the door slowly.

"You guys weren't lying. I just don't understand why he didn't turn to dust yet."

"I don't know either."

"How'd he turn?"

"He bit Yuuki."

"And how long after that did he kill himself?"

"The next morning." He stared at Zero for a while. I didn't know what he was thinking but it was too quiet for my liking. Luckily he talked some more.

"The anti-vampire spell is fighting the vampire part of him but not the hunter part. He's a newly turned vampire so it wasn't that embedded into him. It should turn him into dust but I'm not sure how long he'll have. It can't do anything to the hunter side so the hunter magic is kind of being stalled for a while. You may not understand that."

"...No. If he doesn't have much time left we should get started right away."

"Alright Vampire but keep your fangs to yourself. I'll call if I find something. You do the same." So he walked out of the room and soon left the school probably heading to the Hunter Association. I decided to start searching but before I did that I needed some help. I opened the door and Takuma came to see what I wanted. I told him to get Aido and soon the boy came in the room really nervous.

"I need you to sit on that chair by him. Don't take your eyes off of him. If he seems like he's turning to dust I want you to freeze him." He bowed then sat in that chair. I began looking through all the books. Nothing was coming up. Later on in the night when I had almost every single book on the floor I finally saw something on the spine of a book still on the shelf. The word 'Bond' was on it. I picked it up but as soon as I stood my door opened. It was the hunter. He looked at the book then at me.

"You didn't call me, Leach."

"I just found it. I promise." He threw the book at me then headed to Zero. He was glaring at Aido though. "I asked him to watch Zero in case he would..."

"I know. I'm not stupid. Open my book to the seventh chapter and let me see that book. It looks familiar." I handed him my book then looked in the book he gave me. It was talking about bonds too. "I know we can't do the first one." I knew that too. It was to bring a human back which was to let a Pureblood bite him. He was already bitten. Soon he showed me a page in the book I had. "They're two different things. We can try both then if they don't work try them together."

"Sounds good. Which one first?"

"Does it matter?"

"No it doesn't. You can go first." I was trying to be nice. It seemed hunters were too used to vampires being hateful or even their fellow hunter being sneaky. Hunters had limited trust.

"No. You go." Aido moved to the side as I got closer to the bed. As I started repeating the spell the hunter was over my shoulder looking at it also. "Just making sure you're doing exactly what the book is saying." See? Limited trust. I copied the spell then waited a few minutes. Nothing. "My turn I guess." Then he repeated the spell from his book. We waited a few minutes. Nothing. "We have to say both at the same time." We tried it then waited a few minutes. Nothing. He sighed knowing what it meant but as he went to leave little white dots started to gather above Zero's body.

"Hurry. Look." He turned back around and we watched the white dots gather above Zero's body as it emitted a slight blue glow. Is that his soul? The white dots went in through his mouth and as it finished entering his body he inhaled. We were all shocked but then Zero started breathing. I sat in the chair near the bed exhausted.

"He's going to need some rest so I'll be back in the morning." So he left.

"Aido, you can leave too." He bowed then went back to his room. I went to sleep on the couch that night.

Early in the morning the phone rang interrupting my sleep. I got up to answer it. It was the hunter. Odd. "Yes?"

"I know you're irritated I interrupted your beauty rest but you need to know something." I waited then finally... "Did you see the fine print at the bottom?"

"No, it didn't occur to me that I needed to look at it."

"Look at it now." So I went to the book to the page I was on yesterday. "Do you see it?" I couldn't believe what I just read. "I guess you did. I'll be there in a few." This couldn't be happening. I try to do something good for once and this happens. Seems Karma finally caught up with me. He's a bitch and a pervert. Why I put up with him I do not know. I was staring out the window near my desk. I hadn't noticed my chair was turned toward the window. Speak of the devil.

"What are you doing here?"

"Looking out the window... Why? Oh you're pissed. Whoops."

"Why the hell did you do this to me?"

"Last time I checked you were the one who let that woman do what she did to Zero because you are selfish. This situation falls primarily on you. Don't blame me." I walked closer to him so I could stand in front of him.

"Why?"

"Because I'm a pain in the ass quite literally and because I always thought Zero was so cute. Why wouldn't I want to see him in pure ecstasy?" I slammed my hands on either side of the chair then leaned closer to him trying to intimidate him but it didn't work. He kept grinning then placed both arms behind his head.

"I'm not sleeping with him."

"Yes you will and I will watch. I want you to hurt him too. I always liked seeing people get hurt and you two kind of look like you'd enjoy..."

"Shut up."

"You two are bonded so it means he'll live as long as you. It also means you'll have an uncontrollable sexual attraction to him. Ain't I lucky?"

"Is there a way out of this?"

"Yes but you have to give me something. Zero can live. You two will not be bonded. You'll get to have your precious plan fulfilled and go on with your life. But I have a price."

"Of course you do. You always do."

"But I'll let you enjoy him a bit first just to see if you really really want to remove the bond."

"I want it removed."

"And I don't well as of right now I don't."

"I really want to hit you right now."

"Too bad you can't. I'm a demon remember. All of your Pureblood power doesn't even affect me. Poor soul."

"I can't hit you but I can sure get him here."

"Which of them are you speaking of the angels or the demons?"

"The one you're most afraid of."

"You don't know which one that is." I did well at least I knew some he feared. Since he knew that he wanted to stop the conversation so he stood making his body come through mine and made his way to the bed. "You can't tell me he's not adorable. He looks just like me." He did just his hair was black just like all his clothes which resembled Zero's hunter attire. His eyes were blue and he even had a tattoo on his neck just this one was of his name. It was a big K with the other letters lowercase running on the side of the other letter. He claimed it was blue when I said black. It looked like ink on his ivory flesh. I often asked why he looked so much like Zero in which he always replied 'I was created before all of you so he looks like me.' I had to admit he looked cute too. He was once an angel and they don't just get ugly once they get kicked out. "I was going to bring him with me but then I saw your pitiful face and thought 'blackmail'. Yes. Perfect. So I asked if he could come back. Only now he has another chance. Damn." I was still thinking of some way to get him back. Maybe...

"Lust..." For once the smirk was off his face. "He's stronger than you so he'd be the pain in your ass. I don't think you'd like that." He moved from the bed. His hands went in his pocket.

"For your information I like Lust a lot. I'm a bitch for a reason. Besides he'd be more of a nuisance to you being you have this bond."

"Fine. Greed." He fidgeted a little.

"...He'd take him maybe even Yuuki too. Maybe you don't care about that. And don't you dare tell him I hate him. He knows better."

"Slept with him too didn't you?" He growled. "I know. Envy." That one seemed worse.

"...He'd kill all of you guys. Don't think about it. I know him and no I didn't sleep with him. It's too risky." He walked to the door maybe getting ready to leave but he put his hand on the knob and just stood there. "You might as well stop trying to get me to obey you without paying. I will get what I want even if you do get them to come. You're dealing with Karma remember? I'll catch up with you again. You might as well let it go and take this punishment so you won't have to see me for a very long time that is until I'm needed again. Bye bye." Then he left. Such a nuisance. I went closer to the bed to watch Zero breathe. He was still here... I sat in the chair next to the bed and began to read the book to learn more about our predicament.

A/N: Sorry guys. I keep making new stories without updating the others but someone told me plot bunnies were normal so im sorry since I have a couple more stories I'm gonna make until I get to update the rest but this one might go further before the rest. Idk. I'll try. I blame my brain. It wont let me try to write the next chapter to my other stories. It's always a new idea popping in my head. Im seriously irritated by it since I know you guys want updates. I'll try to update soon. When I write the other new ones I should be able to update this one and the rest. I'm writing all this stuff on fanfiction and trying to write my own stories to publish so be patient with me please. I started writing one of my stories seven years ago and I started over like ten times so yeah not the least bit finished with that one. Then I get this really cool dream and get inspired again to write. Maybe I should stop dreaming. Lol Guess this is how authors feel. Now I feel so sorry for them. Its either too much plot bunnies or writer's block


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Hey guys. On the the last update I talked about not updating because i was making a new story that I call The Master's Pet. That one should get updated maybe tomorrow since i already have the next few chapters but i need to see how much reviews I get. If I don't get a lot I'll post the other chapters a lot later. To be honest that's why I'm not updating the others but hopefully if I put in a new chapter for each one then maybe I'll get more reviews. I'm working on TMP more since I've been trying to make a whole story and not keep everybody waitng for a year. In the meantime while im working on that one I will work on I'm Desparate first and since everyone got confused in Reverse Knight then I'll start on that one after i get the new chapter for TMP since I updated this guy. Im not working on TCF yet. Im sorry but I got too much plot bunnies for these that i forgot the plot bunnies for that one. Anyway i still have another story that wants me to write it but im gonna keep it in my head so i can concentrate on the other four plus this one.

Anyway Zero's up! But... O_O!

I'm Desparate chpt 4

Kaname POV

It was quiet in the room. Only Zero's shallow breathing was heard and every once in awhile the sound when I'd turn the page. I didn't like what I was reading. It was as Karma said. He would live as long as I did. He'd die if I died or vise versa. I'm gonna be sexually attracted to him and that was the worst part. The more time I spend with this the more it'll strengthen. Soon we won't be able to live without each other. He won't like this. At least the older hunter wouldn't have that responsibility with me. I could just imagine a threesome... The thought made me shiver. That's why I hadn't noticed when the older hunter walked in and crept up on me. When I noticed him I jumped so he laughed. "This is really getting to you isn't it?"

"It's saying I'm gonna eventually sleep with him. How am I supposed to be glad about that?" Usually a hunter would be mad about this situation but here he was grinning. I don't know if he's a pervert or if he's just glad that I got stuck with this.

"Come on. Zero's a handsome guy. At least it wasn't Cross." Another thought I didn't want to think about. "At least it just you and him in this. Could you imagine if I had to be in this with you?"

"Already thought of that. Vomited in my mouth a little bit. And why aren't you in this? We did the spell together."

"It says if multiple people do the spell the older one or stronger one gets the responsibility."

"Where's that at?" He handed me his book and yep it said that. Why did it have to be me?

"You're older and stronger. I don't like to admit it any other time but now because I could never imagine me and Zero." I could. Eew... He slapped the back of my head. "I know you're thinking about it."

"Sorry."

"Oh one more thing." He bent down to my level. "You hurt Zero in any kind of way I'll but a bullet in you." Then he stood up, patted me on the back, and left.

I spent the next couple of hours watching him breathe. I called the Chairman earlier and told him it worked. He said he wouldn't tell Yuuki yet until he knew what was gonna happen. He said when he was on his break he'd come by. That's when I heard I knock then he just opened the door without me saying it was okay. Oh well. "He's alive? He's really alive?"

"He didn't wake up yet but he's breathing." He came beside me and sat at the edge of the bed near Zero's head to push his hair back. I had cleaned him up earlier and the spell had fixed his wounds. He just looked like he was sleeping now. The Chairman looked so happy now. Maybe it wasn't as bad as it seemed. "I have bad news."

"What is it?"

"The spell has circumstances. We are now bonded. He's gonna live as long as I will and... And..." I looked at him not wanting to say that part. He was Zero's guardian and you don't really want to tell them 'Hey we're gonna have sex' because it's just awkward. But I still had to tell him. Man... I can't believe I actually have to say this. "We are gonna be sexually attracted to each other so... Yeah." He just stared at me not believing what I said.

"Oh... Okay... I guess I have to accept that. I did ask you to do this so I can't make it any harder on you."

"I don't want him. Promise. I didn't do this because I knew this. I had no idea." I sounded like I was trying to hide a secret but spilling it. I hate this.

"It's not your fault. I know you did this for me and Yuuki. I'm just sorry you have to do something you don't want to to keep him alive. But look at the bright side. You can have real blood and Zero is a good looking guy. Can you imagine having someone not so handsome?" Yes. You... Gross...

"I guess if you put it that way." Zero started moving. Cross stood up fast to stare at his 'son'. He finally opened his eyes and looked toward us. "Zero..." He sat up slowly then turned toward us. He looked at the floor a little while until Cross hugged him. "Don't do that again... I don't want you to leave even if you think I don't care. I'm sorry. I should've showed you how I really felt so you wouldn't have made that decision. I never acted like I was supposed to. I didn't want to watch you fall and I didn't know what to do to help but I should've been there more." Then he kissed his forehead but kept hugging him. I never saw Cross like this before. It was good to see this side of him. "Zero, say something." He pulled away to stare at him. "Zero..." But he didn't say anything. He just looked all over the room then gripped the sheets. He looked at them like he didn't believe they were there. "I'll come back later." It was too soon for him to leave wasn't it? Something was up so I followed him out the door.

"What is it?"

"I don't want to see him like that. I want to see him how he always is. You know he wouldn't act that way."

"Maybe it's because he just got up. After awhile he should be normal I would think. Come check on him later." He nodded.

"I think I should tell Yuuki he's okay." He had a sad smile on his face. "She might come to see him. Fix him for us."

"I'll try." Then he walked down the stairs. I walked back into the room. He kept watching me. Everything I'd do his eyes would follow me. I sat back in front of him. "Zero, can't you say something." He just stared at me. "You didn't have to do that. I know you were mad at yourself for what you did and what I said probably didn't help." He just kept staring at me. I was worried about him and at this point not sure if the spell worked right or was even worth it. Takuma was right. He was a totally different person. I held his hand and he only stared at it. I don't know how this could possibly be fixed.


End file.
